Paper Slash
by ZB3000
Summary: Four teenagers have successfully finished a project and they celebrate it with alcohol. When they fall asleep, they wake up in the world of PAPER MARIO: THE THOUSAND YEAR DOOR! First fic, please R&R.
1. Chapter 1: Operation Lightning Rod

P-A-P-E-R S-L-A-S-H

-By ZB3000

Author's note & Disclaimer: This is my first fic, but I've had experience in writing, so this should be a good one. Take note that I don't own Paper Mario: TTYD, Nintendo does. And anything else I may have stolen belongs to their respective owners. So in short: PLEASE DON'T SUE! Oh, and one other thing: NO, THIS DOES NOT HAVE ANY SLASH IN IT! The only reason I called it Paper Slash is because Paper Cut is already taken by the great Joao Franco (who inspired me to write this with his ownfic). And yes, I know this plot has been done a few times before, but I'll make it good and interesting!

Warning: Contains language, some violence, and usage of alcohol. This story is intended for readers 13 or older.

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Chapter 1: Operation Lightning Rod

It was a peaceful afternoon. A boy, about 15 years old, with short, thick, wavy brown hair and dark brown eyes, an average to solid build, who wore a black long sleeve shirt, tucked under a pair on blue jeans, with black Velcro shoes and brown gloves, sat on the porch outside his house located out on the country. He remembered that he and his friends were working on a project last week. They were trying to make their own source of electrical power in the woods behind his friend's house that they could use to play video games without having to pay electrical bills since it wasn't going to run on anything connected to the power poles. The boy wondered if they would ever finish the project sometime soon. His thoughts were interrupted when an elderly woman with a pair of glasses and curly reddish hair came out onto the porch with a phone in her hand.

"Zach!" The elderly woman called. "Someone's on the phone for you!"

"Oh, ok. Thanks, Grandma." The boy answered then took the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi." Was all the voice said. The boy, Zach, instantly recognized it.

"Hey, Gar! What's up?" Zach asked.

"We're planning to finish operation Lighting Rod today. Plus, we're having a campout and Keith is here to help." Gar stated.

"Cool! When do we start?"

"Oh, as soon as you get here, I suppose. When can I pick you up?"

"Right now is good." Zach answered.

"Ok, I'll be there in a few minuets." They said their good-byes and hung up. Zach went into his room and got all the stuff he needed: A Gamecube, a copy of Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, and a knife Gar made for Zach to cut down the branches in the woods with a 5 inch long blade that was well sharpened.

"Grandma, I'll be going to Gar and Hunter's for the night!" Zach said as he was walking out the door.

"Will their parents be there?" His Grandma asked.

"Of course!" Zach answered cheerfully. He walked out the door to wait out on the driveway, and a few minuets later, Gar came in his Dodge Neon. He got Zach and they drove for his house.

"So did you bring the necessities?" Gar asked his friend.

"Yep!" Zach showed the tall, strapping fellow a Gamecube and the copy of Paper Mario: TTYD.

"Oh, one of those weird games, huh?" Gar laughed.

"Hey, it's a change from all those Star Wars and Halo games you got on the computer!" They both laughed a little at what Zach said.

As they drove they went past the Royal Ridges Mountain Retreat, the school where they learned martial arts, and some railroad tracks before they made it to Gar's house. They exited the car and walked into the blue two-story house. Gar's mom said hello to Zach, his Dad went and bowed to Zach saying "Honorable sir!" In a joking way, since he liked doing it because Zach studied martial arts with Gar and his brother Hunter. Plus, Gar's dad liked to joke around in his own way too. Zach & Gar quickly climbed the smooth wooden stairs and went into the room to the right where there sat two other teenagers. One looked like Gar, but a foot shorter and had a stout figure compared to Gar's tall and skinny build. The other has almost as tall as Gar, but had a solid build, a small pair of glasses, orange hair, a goatee, and wore black clothing. He didn't look like a Goth though, and wasn't a Goth at all period.

"Well," The orange haired teen began. "You certainly took your sweet-assed time."

"Hey Keith," Zach said slightly mono-toned. "Still as big an ass as ever I presume?"

"What was that!" Keith got up from the mattress he was sitting on was getting ready to charge at Zach.

"Ok, you two." Gar said to both of them to stop them. "So how about we head outside and finish the project?"

"Speaking of which, Zach, what game did you get for that Gamecube?" Hunter, the stout one, asked.

"Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door."

"Sounds like one of those weird Japanese games." Hunter said.

"Gar already said that, you know..." Zach rolled his eyes.

So the group of teens got their equipment, and went into the woods. All the while Keith was going on and on about how the French people sell weapons to terrorists and other political subjects. He was always one to preach about most things. After a few minuets of walking, they made it to the campout area where the device they were working on was. It was a 20 inch screen TV on a stool, connected to what seemed to be a slightly altered VCR with the back part of it taken out with some wires from it connected to two little boxes with a fork sticking out of each one. The forks were fixed so that the wires and the forks would connect together. The boxes were made just to hold the forks up.

"So, the forks are basically lightning rods, right?" Zach asked to confirm what he thought.

"Well, Yeah." Gar replied in a mono-tone voice.

"And the lightning that strikes it is so that it powers up our device for it to work, right?" Zach started to sound like an idiot asking these questions.

"DUH!" Hunter said, almost sounding like Napoleon Dynamite, yet didn't intend to.

"So how come we don't go and put the forks up higher so the lightning won't strike here?"

"That's what we plan to do, genius!" Keith spat, throwing his arms in the air in aggravation.

"Oh." Zach replied. "So what's the plan?"

"We're gonna put all these long pipes together, connect the forks to the top, then stuff them into the boxes." Hunter explained, showing Zach a bunch of 20-30 ft. long, hollow pipes in the corner, no bigger around than a human thumb.

"Then we should make the boxes bigger to support the giant lightning rods!" Keith added.

"Ok, I got it." Zach said. "Now let's do this!" He then takes a monkey wrench (or pipe wrench) from his pocket and holds it up dramatically.

"That's the wrong tool to use, Zach…" Hunter spoke in a low voice.

"Aww, you guys never let me have any fun!" Zach groaned. Hunter laughed, and they began to work.

Zach and Keith grabbed the pipes and laid all of them in a straight line, which was hard since the woods didn't have too much flat terrain, Then Gar and Hunter would use a flame to weld the pipes together piece by piece. Of course, they wore masks to prevent any eye damage. The pipes soon become one insanely long pole that was about 520 ft. long. They then repeated it with the next batch of pipes to create an equally long pole. After that, they got the forks, disconnected them from the wires, tweaked the end of the poles so the forks would fit tightly and so the energy from the lightning could travel from the forks, to the poles, to the wires, and to the VCR. The hardest part, however, was getting the poles connected into the boxes. Zach had to cut the small branches in the way with his knife while the rest lifted the tall poles and inserted them into a box. They then welded some spare pipes onto the poles to serve as stands so the poles wouldn't fall. After this they decided to put their work to the test.

"Are the preparations complete?" Gar asked.

"The device is perfectly connected." Keith answered.

"Gamecube is installed." Zach said.

"Weird game inserted." Hunter said, chuckling under his breath.

"Alright, begin operation Lightning Rod!" Gar ordered.

They started the game. As if on cue, lightning bolts can be heard from above, zapping the forks, which transferred the shock to the poles, then to the wires, and finally, into the VCR where the Gamecube was hooked up. The lightning's power wasn't too strong; the travel reduced its original power and that way, it wouldn't fry the device. After a few lightning bolts of power, the TV turned on and the game was playable. After a few hours of playing, it was 11:00 PM. They concluded that their project was a success.

"We did it!" Zach cheered.

"Hey this game's not all that bad." Hunter said. "At least it had a brown mushroom thingy insulting a French guy."

"This calls for some Fermented Iced Tea!" Keith declared. "Gar, where's that stuff you made?"

"Oh, it's right there." Gar said, pointing to a couple gallons of home-made alcohol in front of Keith. Everyone except Keith laughed.

"Now WHY didn't I see THAT there!" Keith exclaimed. Everyone laughed again, as well as Keith.

So everyone got their paper cups and poured the (not-so) fine brownish liquid and gulped down every drop of it, no matter how horrible it tasted. After each of them had about 8-10 cups, they started getting tipsy. They then decided to do what they always did when they were together. Beat each other up for no apparent reason. Since they were all somewhat drunk however, it looked like a bunch of weirdoes with no balance trying to outbox one another, but always fell over every time they tried to throw a punch at someone. Eventually, they all fell asleep on the ground after about an hour of drinking and boxing. Lightning struck the forks on the poles high in the air and finally singed the forks. The lightning persisted and struck the poles on different sides and managed to cut through them and the poles fell 500 ft. below and crashed onto the ground. The teens never noticed, because they were already fast asleep from the bad-tasting alcohol.

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Well, that's it! Chapter 1 is complete! Please R&R and give me some constructive criticism, no flames. All flames will be directed to my swimming pool to warm it up faster for the summer! And don't worry; the next chapter is when the Mario elements begin, so be patient for Chapter 2: How the Hell did we Get Here?


	2. Chapter 2: Where the Hell are we?

P-A-P-E-R S-L-A-S-H

-By ZB3000

Author's note & Disclaimer: This is my first fic, but I've had experience in writing, so this should be a good one. Take note that I don't own Paper Mario: TTYD, Nintendo does. And anything else I may have stolen belongs to their respective owners. So in short: PLEASE DON'T SUE! Anyway, sorry for not updating, life's been in the way. I'd like to thank PeachRocks and BritishShyguy for supporting my fic. I'll review one or two of your fics when I get the chance. Anyway, this chapter is where the Mario stuff begins, hope you enjoy it.

Warning: Contains language, some violence, and usage of alcohol. This story is intended for readers 13 or older.

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Chapter 2: Where the Hell are we?

Zach woke up with a terrible hangover. His head was throbbing and hurting like crazy. It was like someone stabbed his head in three different directions with a knife. The others were still asleep because they had a little more alcohol than Zach. As he tried to regain himself, Zach looked around to see that they weren't in the woods behind Gar and Hunter's house, but they were on a boat about 30 ft. long and 18 ft. wide, with a white exterior and a red cabin with a blue roof and yellow pipe to release steam.

"This looks familiar…" Zach thought to himself quietly.

Zach walked into the cabin where he found a short person in a sailor suit and a white mushroom-like hat with navy blue spots on it driving the ship. Zach observed the person closely to find that it's a Toad. The Toad looked behind to see the teenager.

"Oh, you're up!" The sailor Toad exclaimed. "And just in time, a few more minuets and we'll reach our destination."

"Excuse me," Zach inquired. "But where are we going?"

"Why, to Rougeport of course!" The Toad smiled. Zach's eyes were wide open.

"Rougeport!" Zach exclaimed. "Just a sec, how on Earth did we get on here, anyway?"

"What do you mean?" The Toad asked with a confused expression. "You were here the whole time and fell asleep after drinking that strange substance." Zach was almost speechless at that moment.

"I…...see." Zach left the cabin to find the others half awake and trying to get over their hangovers.

"Where the hell are we…?" Keith mumbled between groans of pain. "How did we get on this ship?"

"Hey Zach," Gar inquired to the teen. "You know what happened?"

"Well…" Zach began nervously. "You'd never believe me, but……we're in the world of Paper Mario 2."

"WHAT!" The three exclaimed in unison.

"I know, it sounds farfetched, but we are, indeed, in a video game world, and at the very beginning of it too."

"Where's that beer!" Hunter asked, searching for it. "Maybe we can go back to reality if we drink enough!"

"Hunter, beer doesn't exist in these kiddy games." Gar said.

"Shit!" Hunter cursed. "Now what?"

"I talked with the guy driving this," Zach said. "He said that in a short time, we'll be heading for Rougeport. You know, that beginning town."

"One minuet," Keith said. "If we're gonna be in a video game world, left to defend ourselves from various enemies, we're gonna need some weapons!"

"Well, I got my knife…" Zach said.

"We all know martial arts, except Keith, we just taught him the useful moves, but I think we can take care of anything right now." Hunter reassured.

"Yeah," Gar agreed. "But maybe with some proper steel, we can forge ourselves some new weapons!" Everyone nodded.

The boat stopped at the docks in Rougeport after a few minuets and the boys got off of it while the sailor sped off the other direction. They looked around to see that everything is completely 3-D, instead of paper flat like in the game.

"This is rather different." Zach said. "It's not quite 'Paper' Mario anymore."

"Well now that we're here, what do we do?" Keith asked.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" A scream was heard from behind them. A brown mushroom-like creature wearing a tan suit & helmet, a red tie, and a blonde ponytail was trying to get away from some human-like creatures in red and white uniforms, wearing goggles Zach identified the brown creature as a Goomba and the uniformed creatures as X-Nauts.

"Come here you squirt!" The first one said and tried to tackle the Goomba to the ground, but she jumped away. Zach observed the event for a moment and decided what to do.

"Ok, here's what to do." Zach began. "I'll fend off those ruffians, you guys go and get some info around here."

"Your funeral. Ha, ha, ha, ha." Hunter did a fake evil laugh.

Zach ran over the Goomba's aid. She was already being held by both of them. Zach got their attention and one of the X-Nauts let go of her and charged him. Zach grabbed the human-like creature and threw him in the air, ran to the predicted location where he would land, and did a Dora Antari (reverse jumping spin kick) on the X-Naut before he landed which knocked him 6 ft. back and on his face.

"Oww…" The injured X-Naut groaned. He got up and stared at Zach angrily. "You little twit! I'll kill you for that!" He drew what seemed to be a futuristic beam knife and charged Zach. The other one finished tying up the Goomba and followed as suit. Zach smirked and drew his own knife.

BATTLE

Zach: 15/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

X-Naut#1: 4/4 HP

X-Naut#2: 4/4 HP

Zach stabs X-Naut#1 for 2 damage!

X-Naut#1 stabs Zach for 2 damage!

X-Naut#2 also stabs Zach for 2 damage!

Zach: 11/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

X-Naut#1: 2/4 HP

X-Naut#2: 4/4 HP

Zach stabs X-Naut#1 again for 2 damage, killing him!

X-Naut#2 drinks a red potion and grows twice his size!

Zach: 11/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

X-Naut#2: 4/4 HP

Zach stabs the enlarged X-Naut for 2 damage!

X-Naut#2 turns his knife downward and drives it through Zach's head and into the ground for 6 damage!

Zach: 5/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

X-Naut#2: 2/4 HP

"It's over!" Zach shouts as he stabs the X-Naut one last time, killing him as well.

Zach wins the battle!

Zach stared at the X-Nauts' dead bodies for a moment until the bodies disappear in flames.

"Hmm, must be a video game effect." Zach thought to himself. He walked over to the Goomba and undid her ropes.

"Thanks!" The Goomba said. "I thought I was done for."

"No big deal." Zach replied. "I just do these things." As he finished, another person came up to them. He looked like an X-Naut, but was bigger, about 8 ft. tall, and kinda resembled Wario dressing up like the Red Baron.

"Buh huh huh huh!" The creature laughed his dumb laugh. "I saw what you did, I'm not very happy about the fact you killed my troops." The large fellow spoke in a rather rough southern accent (think Botos from MegaMan X: Command Mission).

"I take it you wanna join them?" Zach said with a smirk.

"You little smart-ass!" The creature snarled. "I'll teach to fear the name of Lord Crump!" He took a metal rod from his belt and activated the blade, revealing as a 'beam axe'. Zach took out his knife again and gestured the Goomba to stand back.

BATTLE

Zach: 5/15 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

Crump: 6/6 HP

Zach stabs Crump, hitting him for 2 damage!

Crump swings his axe at Zach for 4 damage!

"Ugh!" Zach grunted. "One more hit from that thing and I'm finished…" Just then, an all too familiar Italian plumber in red came into the battle with a hammer.

"Here-a!" The plumber threw a Mushroom at Zach, Zach ate it and some of his wounds healed.

"Thanks." Zach said to the Italian.

"Grrrr….that's it, time to teach you jokers some respect!" Crump growled.

Zach: 6/15 HP, 0/0 FP

Mario: 10/10 HP, 5/5 FP

----------VS----------

Crump: 4/6 HP

Zach stabs Crump again for another 2 damage!

Mario lifts his hammer over his head and smashes Crump's in for 2 damage, taking him out!

Zach & Mario win!

"'Teach us jokers some respect' my ass!" Zach scoffed.

"Ohh…" Crump slowly gets up from the beating he received. "Well, you're pretty good, but how about THIS!" Crump pulls out a whistle, and blows on it loudly. In seconds Zach, Mario, and the Goomba are surrounded by over one hundred X-Nauts.

"Mama-mia!" Mario exclaimed.

"Well you certainly play fair." Zach sarcastically said.

"I guess a flamethrower still isn't out of the question?" Hunter called out from behind holding something that looks like a lead pipe with a hand & trigger inserted in it and on the back is some sort of gas tank. If you look closely, you can see that near the back of the pipe is a bunch of holes on it with matches inside, most likely lit.

Zach instantly gets the idea and has Mario & the Goomba hit the ground with him. Hunter then pulls the trigger on his little device and flames burst out of it, burning anything in its path. Hunter sweeps it left and right as he walks through the crowd of X-Nauts.

"AAAHHHHHH! IT BURNS! WHY, GOD, WHY?" The X-Nauts scream as they jump into the water to put out their burns.

"Hey, fat-ass!" Hunter yells at Crump. "It's your turn!"

"Err…" Crump started to back away. "I'll get you kids some other time!" With that, Crump throws a smoke bomb on the ground, blinding everyone, and when the smoke cleared out, he was gone.

"Hunter, where did you get THAT?" Zach exclaimed.

"Simple, we just got a pipe, inserted a mini-fan in it, drilled some holes in the pipe, put some lit matches in the holes, and stuck a gas tank in the end." Hunter explained. "Then we connected a handle & trigger on the pipe that activates the mini-fan which sucks some gas out of the tank and through the fan, though the lit matches, and there! You get a custom-made flamethrower!"

"Wow, that's smart..." The Goomba said in amazement.

Everyone decided to get themselves introduced. Mario explained that he was here because Princess Peach gave him a letter and a map to a treasure located somewhere in this general area. The Goomba, who identified herself as Goombella, explained that those X-Naut wanted info on the treasure from her and were willing to get it by any means necessary. The teenagers just stood quiet until Mario got curious about them.

"Say," Mario began. "Where are-a youse guys-a from?"

"Well, umm……" Gar mumbled.

"We are… Uhh… we are……" Keith tried to think.

"Secret agents!" Zach piped up. Everyone looked at him strangely.

"Zach!" Keith whispered into Zach's ear. "Why did you say THAT!"

"We can't tell them we're from another dimension, they'll never believe us!" Zach whispered back.

"You could've at least said we were gods." Hunter whispered.

"They'd probably ask for proof and we'd be screwed." Gar whispered in response.

"Ok, we'll go with it." Keith decided and they turned to face Mario.

"Yeah, we're secret agents." Hunter lied.

"We were sent here by HQ to scan for any strange disturbances." Keith explained.

"As if this isn't considered strange…" Gar murmured to himself.

"Wow, I never met-a any-a secret-a agents before!" Mario sounded excited. The teens for relieved that Mario believed them. Goombella seemed to have bought it too.

"Good thing they forgot to ask for our 'cards'" Gar whispered among them. The teenagers laughed.

Soon after, Toadsworth, Peach's steward, came up to Mario and told him that Peach was missing again. Mario said some cuss words in Italian and followed the elderly Toad into the Inn. Everyone else followed until they entered it. Hunter spotted a tavern to the right and his face was shinning like the sun when he set eyes on it.

"Alright!" Hunter jumped for joy. "Let's go get drunk and see if we can go back into reality!"

"Uhh, excuse me?" Goombella had a really weird look on her face.

"He means 'Let's get drunk and see who falls asleep first'." Keith lied.

"Oh, well go ahead then, I guess…" Goombella went upstairs to where Mario was with an unsure look on her face.

The teens went over to the bar and had the barkeep give them some alcohol. When the barkeep was about to say something, Zach told him they were secret agents and that they would have the place brought down if they didn't get their drinks. The barkeep, forgetting to ask if they had cards, supplied them with what they wanted and after 6-7 drinks things started to get really out of hand. I won't go into detail, but about 15 minuets later, Mario & Goombella went back downstairs to get the group of boys.

"I can't-a believe-a that-a Peach is-a gone again…" Mario sighed in frustration. "Can't-a she take-a care of herself-a for once!"

"It's ok," Goombella tried to cheer up Mario. "I'll help you find her if you want! Now let's go get those guys and go see the profe— WHAT THE HELL!" Goombella stared in surprise as a huge bar fight was starting with Zach, Gar, Hunter, and Keith in the middle of it. Mario & Goombella quickly dragged the drunken men out of there and to the plaza.

"What in the Mushroom Kingdom is your problem!" Goombella yelled at the still drunk teens.

"Waaat?" Keith slurred. "Diisshh guy herrrsh wassshh laughinsh at my glasshhhesshhh…" Keith passed out after finishing his sentence.

"Uh, now I say, I say….." Gar spoke in a southern accent. "Can't a feller drink and kick some booty without some lassie yakking 'bout it?" Gar passed out as well. Hunter was already down for the count since he had about nine drinks.

"Uhhhhhhhh……" Zach instantly passed out too.

"Uh, right." Goombella said. "Anyway, Mario, the professor is east of here, let's go see him!" Goombella led Mario to the professor's house while Mario dragged the unconscious teenagers. They woke up soon after at the door. Goombella then proceeded to kick the door.

"PROFESSOR FRANKLY!" Goombella shouted while kicking the door. "IT'S ME, GOOMBELLA, OPEN UP!"

The door opened, and an old Goomba that looked like some sort of mad scientist. He just looked on with a rather irritated expression, until after a few seconds of looking around, he finally spoke.

"Goombella?" The professor asked. "Can I ask you something?" Goombella came closer to the professor and he yelled, "DON'T MAKE SUCH BIG DAMN COMMOTION NEXT TIME! I mean, it's only one room I'm always in!"

"Oww, sorry." Goombella said. "But I was just so excited to show you this map!" Mario showed it to Prof. Frankly.

"Hmm! This is most intriguing." Frankly thought out loud. "Come inside, we'll talk more about this."

Frankly examined the map more inside until he came to the conclusion that the map was the secret behind the mysterious Thousand Year Door and that a great treasure was hidden inside. Everyone also talked for awhile to explain why they're here and the such. Everyone still seemed to have bought the secret agent story cooked up by Zach, Gar, Hunter and Keith. When everyone left, Frankly called Zach and the boys back inside because he said he wanted to talk to them for a moment. They went inside and they all sat down in the room.

"So," Frankly inquired. "You say that you're secret agents?"

"Yes, we are." Zach answered.

"Hmm…..and they actually bought it, huh?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" Zach stammered.

"You can't fool me; you're not secret agents at all. You're not even of this world aren't you?"

"One minuet," Keith interjected. "How exactly do you know this?"

"Well it's obvious that you're all from a different world." Frankly explained. "You look different, you dress different, there's no other explanation. You are all, indeed, from what you call 'the real world'."

"Well, you got us." Gar said. "But how do you know these things?"

"Trust me, studying various different subjects for 64 years can do a great deal to a Goomba." Frankly said. "I'll tell you what; I won't tell anyone that you're not really agents. And since you seem to have quite a few questions, I can tell, I'll answer anything you ask and hopefully, everything will be cleared up about what's going on here. Now go ahead, ask away!"

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That's game! Or more like that's fic! Anyway, here's the chance to clear things out for everyone here that's reading. Post a question in your review that Zach, Gar, Hunter, and Keith will ask, and Frankly will answer it. Note that it has to be something to do with the story in order to clear up any confusion about it. Note that only one reviewer can ask only one question, and I'll accept up to four questions, no more than four. Now please, R&R and no flames!


	3. Chapter 3: Questions, Answers, and Troub

P-A-P-E-R S-L-A-S-H

-By ZB3000

Author's note & Disclaimer: This is my first fic, but I've had experience in writing, so this should be a good one. Take note that I don't own Paper Mario: TTYD, Nintendo does. And anything else I may have stolen belongs to their respective owners. So in short: PLEASE DON'T SUE! Thanks for your reviews, I appreciate it. I'll just put the answers to those questions in here and I'll make up the other two, just so things in the story can be explained, and that I didn't get enough reviews…...nonetheless, here it is!

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Chapter 3: Questions, Answers, and Trouble

"So," Frankly, began. "What are your questions? I'll have one question per person."

"In that case," Zach started. "How did you discover the real world?"

"People who live here would consider this the 'real world', just like how you fellers consider Earth your 'real world'." Frankly explained. "But how I discovered it? It's a fairly long story. Care to hear it?" Everyone nodded.

"About 25 years ago, I explored the darkest depths of Rogueport Sewers with some fellow adventurers until one of us was pulled down into a nearby river. One of us dived in to save the man, but after 45 seconds of waiting, which felt like a whole hour, the rest of us dived down to find them, until a Blooper grabbed us and took us into a cave. I don't remember much after that, but I remember falling unconscious when we entered that cave. We all woke up in a very strange area, surrounded by garbage, such as old food, used parts for certain objects, and many other smelly things. We spent a few days there until this very large object stuck to what seemed to be some sort of giant magnet towered over us and fell on top of us. Somehow, we survived and woke up back in the sewers at the location before we went into the water. We didn't know whether or not it was a dream, but later, we decided it was better to split up and research this our own different ways."

"Woah…" Zach said.

"Basically, you guys got took in by a really big thingy with lots of tentacles, woke up in our world in a big dump, spent a few days there smelling like crap until you got smashed by a car falling 40 ft. to the ground and woke up back here." Hunter summarized, and then chuckled under his breath.

"Err, yes, I suppose. Any other questions?"

"Yeah, do you know how we got here?" Gar asked.

"Well, I'm afraid I can't say for sure. It's a really complex thing to talk about. All I can say is that it might have something to do with your mind as you fall asleep or unconscious. Your physical bodies may still be sleeping in your world as we speak, even though you're here in the Mushroom World. I suppose you could say it's like a sort of……realistic kind of dream you all are going through."

"One minute," Keith interjected. "So you're saying we're sharing a dream?"

"Well, I can't really say that for sure, it's just what I think." Frankly replied. "Next?"

"Since you know about Earth," Hunter began. "Do you know why in the game-version of this world everything is made of paper but in this world everything is as 3-D as we are?

"When our father, known as Shigeru Myamoto, created the game you call Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, he created our world as well. You see, every time a video game is created, so is a dimension for it to house in. Not many people know this, only a select few have learned of this. No one can access the dimensions by any means possible. I've already given a hunch on why you're here, though. And to answer why our world is different from what you thought, this is the simplest answer I can give: no matter how a video game is shaped, the world created though it will always be like any 'real' world. It's just another rule of cosmic physics. Now Keith?"

"Ok, this has nothing to do with anything here, but since you know so much, how come Peach is able to kick Bowser's ass in games like Super Smash Brothers Melee or Mario Kart, but in any game where Mario's the main character, she's defenseless?"

"That's…..a good question." Frankly replied. "Why don't you ask her, instead? I have no idea whatsoever."

"Crap, now I've wasted my question…" Keith muttered.

"Well, thanks for the information, Professor." Zach said. "I suppose we must be going."

"Wait," Frankly exclaimed. "I have some things that I've collected during my journeys. They should provide useful." Frankly went to a corner of the room and picked up a few items somehow, then returned back to the four.

"Here you go, Hunter." Frankly gave Hunter a rather old-looking double-bladed axe. "This axe I discovered in an old ruin was said to have been made during ancient Mushroom Kingdom times. It's old, but durable."

Hunter took the blade and started to handle it for a moment before he said. "Hmph, this could use some sharpening."

"And Keith," Frankly handed Keith a pair of leather gloves with small steel plates placed in the knuckles-area. "These fighting gloves were once used by a famed martial artist who lived about a century before today." Keith put them on and surprisingly, they were a perfect fit.

"Hmm…" Keith moved his fingers around, and then did some karate moves wearing the gloves. "These aren't too bad. I could punch the head off of someone, wearing these things."

"And as for everyone, I can offer these materials." Frankly gave Zach, Gar, and Hunter some piles of varied kinds of steel. "Use these to forge some weapons for everyone."

"Groovy." Gar smiled. "Leave this to me & Hunter, since we've been doing this kind of thing for some time."

"Good. Now let's head outside." Frankly and the teenagers went out the door to find Mario fighting some brown crow-like humanoid dressed in green, and armed with a spear, and Goombella tied to a corner.

"Let her go-a right-a now!" Mario demanded as he swung his hammer towards the creature.

"No way! She's MY girl you fat bastard!" He replied as he tripped Mario with his spear and then nearly plunged it into Mario's heart but Mario rolled away.

"Leave us alone, Gus!" Goombella cried. "We're through; you're not my boyfriend anymore! Don't you get it!"

"Goombella, I still love you, and we're gonna have an awesome night whether you like it or not!" Gus threw his spear and hit Mario in the upper right leg, which put him to his knees. Then he pulled out another one.

"I've had enough." Zach growled as he walked up to the crow man.

"Out of my way, boy, unless you wanna get skewed!" Gus threatened. "How do expect to stop me with just a knife!"

"Because he has my axe!" Hunter said as he stepped towards Zach.

"And my gloves!" Keith walked over to Zach too.

"And my—uhhh…..thing!" Gar stepped forward, forgetting he has no weapon."

"Gar, that's nasty." Hunter said, eying Gar strangely.

"Whatever…" Gar shrugged.

BATTLE!

Zach: 15/15 HP, 0/0 FP

Gar: 18/18 HP, 0/0 FP

Hunter: 12/12 HP, 8/8 FP

Keith: 16/16 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

Gus: 20/20 HP

Zach stabs Gus for 2 damage!

Gar performed a jumping spin kick to Gus' head for another 2 damage!

Hunter brings his axe down on Gus for 3 damage!

Keith deals out a 1-2 punch for 1+1 damage!

Gus stabs Gar with his spear for 3 damage!

Zach: 15/15 HP, 0/0 FP

Gar: 15/18 HP, 0/0 FP

Hunter: 12/12 HP, 8/8 FP

Keith: 16/16 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

Gus: 11/20 HP

Zach stabs Gus for 2 damage!

Gar spin kicks Gus again for 2 damage!

Hunter takes out his flamethrower and sends out a bust of flame at Gus, burning off 3 damage!

Keith gives Gus the 1-2 for 1+1 damage!

Gus throws his spear at Keith for 5 damage!

Zach: 15/15 HP, 0/0 FP

Gar: 15/18 HP, 0/0 FP

Hunter: 12/12 HP, 5/8 FP

Keith: 11/16 HP, 0/0 FP

----------VS----------

Gus: 2/20 HP

Zach finishes Gus with one last stab and defeats him.

Zach's party wins!

"Last chance; let the Goomba go if you value your life." Zach said sternly.

"Ugh…" Gus regained his balance and looked Zach in the eye. "I won't forget this, you hear?" With that, he turned and ran away.

After untying Goombella, and treating Mario's leg wound, they, along with Frankly, jumped down a nearby warp pipe, and end up in the sewers.

"So Professor," Goombella inquired. "You say the Thousand Year Door is south of here, right?"

"Yes," Frankly replied. "But we can't go directly south, we have to move forward first, then follow a few other paths around here. I'll just guide you as we go."

No sooner did they step forward, a group of Goombas came by and noticed Goombella.

"Hey there, gorgeous!" The first one called out. "How 'bout you ditch these losers and come with us?"

"Eww, not on your life!" Goombella replied.

"I've got this one." Hunter said as he prepared his flamethrower.

"Woah, wait a minute!" The second one backed off.

"Uhh, hey, maybe we can talk this over?" The first one said.

"Let's run!" The third one shouted as they waddled away. Hunter burnt them from behind as they were 'running'.

"Thanks, they were giving me the creeps." Goombella said to Hunter, he just nodded and they went on their way.

Meanwhile, in a much farther away place…

"So these people of which you speak of are not from this world?" Asked a tall, robed figure, Crump was kneeling before it.

"Yes, Sir Grodus." Crump replied. "One of them killed two of our men and beat me, and another had a device that shot fire and it pretty much eliminated my brigade!"

"How do you know that they are not of this world?"

"They wear clothes that I've never seen before, and look different from any species discovered."

"I see, do you have their names?"

"Only the one that killed those two men, I heard them call him 'Zach'."

"Zach…..not a name I've really heard of…"

"I took a picture of him while I was observing from a distance." Crump showed Grodus a picture of Zach and the others, which could hardly be made out because it was taken about 300 ft. away.

"I can barely see him, you fool!" Grodus then burned the picture and threw it in the air. "Next time bring a closer shot, all I saw was just some dots!"

"Yes sir, I apologize." Crump bowed. "But I also found that they hold a map to the ancient treasure inside the Thousand Year Door. Should we try to take it?"

"No need, we already know where three of them are at. But if worse comes to worse, you can take it by any means necessary. For now form up a new brigade of men and head for the Great Tree."

"Yes Sir Grodus." Crump replies as he leaves. As he does, the burning picture lands right on some nearby piles of paper and starts a fire.

"Agghhh! For the love of…" Grodus grabbed a fire extinguisher and sprays out the fire. "Well, at least now I have to worry about half the paper work…"

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That's fic! I promise not to procrastinate with the 4th chapter as long as I did this one. Until then, read & review! I'll look forward to them!


	4. Chapter 4: Is it Gonna Tenticle Rape us?

P-A-P-E-R S-L-A-S-H

-By ZB3000

Author's note & Disclaimer: This is my first fic, but I've had experience in writing, so this should be a good one. Take note that I don't own Paper Mario: TTYD, Nintendo does. And anything else I may have stolen belongs to their respective owners. So in short: PLEASE DON'T SUE! Many thanks for your positive reviews. And THANK YOU, Clairo, for adding my story to your C2. Kingofsouls too, thanks. I'm flattered and I'll return the love sometime (NO, NOT THAT WAY, YOU SICK FREAKS!). Anyway, I'm out of time so…..here's what y'all wanted to see!

$$#&$#!#$&$

Chapter 4: Is it Gonna Tentacle Rape us?

While the group was wandering around the sewers, Zach stopped, looked over, and went away from the group to examine what he saw.

"Hey guys, check this out!" Zach called, holding a small, black object.

"Zach, that's just a scale." Hunter said, in a monotone voice.

"Not just any scale," Zach contradicted. "But a Blooper Scale that was recently shed!"

"One minuet," Keith interjected. "Whoever heard of Squid-like creatures shedding scales?"

"I once heard a rumor that the black part around a Blooper's eyes were comprised of tough, yet smooth scales that were meant to protect the Blooper because the black part around their eyes was a way for predators to get to their cranium, which is rather delicate." Zach explained. "They shed somewhere around their adolescent years, then the black part around their eyes becomes strong and thick enough to protect the Blooper without scales."

"Why would predators want to get to their brain?" Keith asked.

"They say the brain of a Blooper contains lots of protein, iron, and other nutritious stuff. And they also say it tastes really good."

"…That's it, you spend too much time on the Internet." Hunter bluntly said.

"Well, we could use it in one of our projects." Gar thought out loud.

"Excuse me, but like, what are you guys talking about?" Goombella asked in her typical valley girl voice.

"Uhh, nothing." Zach put the scale in his pocket and they continued on.

After a few minuets of wandering, the made it to the Thousand Year Door. Zach saw it many times when he played the game, but when he saw it in person, he was breath-taken. Frankly gestured Mario to step on the pedestal in front. Once he did, Frankly told Mario to hold up the treasure map, and he did. The pedestal glowed marvelously in many different colors, it was an awesome sight to see. A few seconds later, the map started to show a picture of the Diamond Crystal Star east of their location.

"Hooktail Castle." Zach said out loud. Everyone turned to him.

"That's where it is?" Gar asked.

"Yeah."

"How do you know that?" Goombella asked.

"Let's just say I know my way around here." Zach replied. "Now to get there, we must travel east to Petalburg, a village where Koopas live. I know the way, just follow me." Zach led the group out the room, but then Frankly stopped them.

"Wait," Frankly said. "This is as far as I can go. I'll leave it to you guys now. Good luck."

"May your journey back be a safe one." Zach said as Frankly nodded, and left.

They continue east and begin climbing some fallen debris. At the top, they find a big, ominous-looking black chest. Zach examined it first, approaching it slowly, but then it spoke.

"Hey, is someone there?" The chest spoke. Zach jumped back in surprise.

"#&$ing #&$!" Is what we'll say Zach said. It would've been too inappropriate for this kind of story.

"I'm sorry, but please, listen to my plea." The box continued. "I've been stuck in here for years and years! PLEASE get me out of here!"

"Err, I dunno if I should…" Zach said. He knew what would happen if he did.

"Oh c'mon, have a heart! Please, I'll reward you if you do!"

"Yeah, I'll bet." Zach sarcastically replied. But just then, he remembered that the 'reward' would most likely give him the power to fly, like in the actual game. "…Fine, I'll do it."

"Oh, bless you, good sir! Now I believe the key is somewhe—

"Who needs a key when can do THIS?" Zach takes his knife and sticks it into the large keyhole and begins to fiddle with the lock inside. After a minute or two of fiddling, Zach picked the lock. And with that, darkness started to spread everywhere as an evil laugh filled the room.

"**_Mwah ha ha ha ha ha, fool_**!" Darkness covered the room completely and a demonic face appeared above the black chest.

"**_You fell for it! How stupid and dense you are! And now, for your 'reward'…_**" With that, the face started to whisper an incantation for a moment, and Zach's body flashed briefly. The face stopped and spoke again.

"**_Now you are cursed, fool! And since you seem confused I shall explain what this curse does._**"

"No need, I just step on a platform with and arrow on it and press R to turn into an airplane." Everyone was silent at that moment.

"**_Err... you had the first half right, but the other, I have no clue on what you speak of. You step on the platform and say, "Airiousah!" Now do it!_**"

A platform appeared in front of Zach, and he stepped on it, and said the word. And then, he started transforming.

"YAAARRRGGGHHH!" Zach screamed in pain as every bone and muscle in his body was severely over stretched as he became a human airplane.

"Dude, did you hear the way his bones cracked?" Keith whispered to Hunter.

"Yeah, sucks to be him." Hunter whispered back.

"**_Now say it again to return to your lowly human self!_**" Zach was flying around for a bit to get used to this ability.

"Right. Airiousah!" Zach screamed in pain again as his body parts reconnected properly again. It must hurt badly to have every part of your body get over stretched and reconnected without breaking. Like falling off a cliff and landing on two separate logs/branches/ect, being forced into doing the splits with your legs positioned above your shoulders. That was probably an idea on the pain that Zach just went through.

"**_Remember this curse, for it will plague you for the rest of your very short life! Muah ha ha ha ha ha!_**" With that the shadow disappeared.****

And so they continued, the sewers began to get darker and darker. Gar eventually grabbed a flare from his back pack and lit it. They found that they were in an area nearly surrounded by water. And to their horror, they saw many, many lifeless bodies lying near the waters that seemed so drained of life force, their skeletons showed. Keith kicked one over to see its face, and to his surprise, it looked deader than any other corpse he's ever seen (although that was the first corpse he's ever seen). Its sockets were empty, its skin pale. Keith kicked it into the water to rid of its gruesome presence. The group looked around in silence and shock.

"This is, like, creeping me out!" Goombella exclaimed. "Can we just get outta here?"

"But what made these dead bodies?" Zach wondered. The water started to bubble and a strange growl was heard below.

"We're about to get our answer." Gar said. And indeed, they did. A Blooper, about 25 ft. tall, burst out of the water, screeching at its potential victims.

"Ohmigosh!" Goombella exclaimed. "Is it gonna tentacle rape us?"

"You watch too much Japanese cartoons." Hunter said to Goombella.

Just then, another Blooper burst from the water. But it was a bright pink color instead of white, and had red eyes.

"What is this, brother?" The pink one spoke in plain English. "Another meal, perhaps?"

"Yes, sister," The regular Blooper replied. "And they seem quite delicious."

"Make dinner out of us!" Gar snapped. "I think not!"

"You're wasting our time!" Zach called out to the siblings. "Get out of our way, and you'll have your lives!"

"Oh ho, this is humorous." The white one laughed. "Our meal will be a difficult one to stomach."

"Indeed." The pink one agreed. "We'll soften them up and devour them whole!" With that, the Bloopers floated towards the group.

(Author's Note: I'm rearranging the battle system to where the characters can use any method of attacking in any way, the more powerful moves and the more magical ones will consume their FP. And furthermore, there will be NO MORE LEVELING UP. Their stats will increase and they will learn special moves and as the story progresses. Just to give you all a heads up.)

BATTLE!

Mario: 15/15 HP, 10/10 FP

Goombella: 10/10 HP, 0/0 FP

Zach: 15/15 HP, 0/0 FP

Gar: 18/18 HP, 0/0 FP

Hunter: 12/12 HP, 9/9 FP

Keith: 16/16 HP, 3/3 FP

----------VS----------

White Blooper: 20/20 HP

Blood Blooper: 25/25 HP

-Mario jumps on White Blooper twice for 2 damage!

-Goombella headbonks Blood Blooper twice for another 2 damage!

-Zach jumps up and slashes Blood Blooper with his knife for 2 damage!

-Gar grabs White Blooper by the tentacle and tosses him to the ground for 2 damage!

-Hunter attempts to hit Blood Blooper with his axe, but misses and Blood Blooper smacks him away with her tentacle, causing 2 damage to Hunter!

-Keith climbs up Blood Blooper's tentacle, and leaps above to hammer her, but she barely dodges and Keith only manages to hit the side of her head, causing 1 damage!

-White Blooper smacks Mario twice for 4 damage!

-Blood Blooper latches on top of Zach and drains 2 HP from him, adding 2 to hers!

Mario: 11/15 HP, 10/10 FP

Goombella: 10/10 HP, 0/0 FP

Zach: 13/15 HP, 0/0 FP

Gar: 18/18 HP, 0/0 FP

Hunter: 10/12 HP, 9/9 FP

Keith: 16/16 HP, 3/3 FP

----------VS----------

White Blooper: 16/20 HP

Blood Blooper: 22/25 HP

-Mario Power Jumps Blood Blooper for 4 damage!

-Goombella uses Tattle on White Blooper and discovers that he's weak against fire!

"Hey Hunter," Zach called to him. "If the white one's weak to fire, the other one must be, too! Use your flamethrower!" Hunter nods.

-Zach stabs Blood Blooper between the tentacles, where her mouth should be, doing 3 damage!

(So, the mouth is its weak point, eh?) Zach thought. "Gar, aim for its mouth!"

-"Gotcha!" Gar kicks Blood Blooper at the mouth, but something went wrong…

"Not this time, dinner…" Blood Blooper sneered. Gar's foot was stuck in her mouth. He tried to wriggle loose but to no avail. She then threw Gar back, hurting him for 3 damage.

"I'm sorry." Zach said apologetically to Gar.

"Don't worry, I'll live. Hunter, take care of 'em!"

-Hunter uses Flamethrower on both of them, dealing 6 damage to White Blooper, but healing 3 to Blood Blooper!

"What the… Zach, I thought you said it was WEAK to fire!" Hunter said.

"Well, I guess everyone makes mistakes…" Zach mumbled.

-"One minuet," Keith interjected. "I think I'm getting a feeling in me, like I'm learning some sort of move… hold up, I've got this one." Keith then grabs White Blooper, spins around and throws him high in the air, and landing on Blood Blooper doing 3 damage to both!

"I call it the Cosmic Throw!"

"Veeeerry powerful." Hunter said sarcastically.

-White Blooper spins his tentacles, and hits the entire group for 2 damage each!

-Blood Blooper starts to spin like a drill, points itself to Gar, and rams him for 4 damage!

Mario: 9/15 HP, 8/10 FP

Goombella: 8/10 HP, 0/0 FP

Zach: 11/15 HP, 0/0 FP

Gar: 11/18 HP, 0/0 FP

Hunter: 8/12 HP, 6/9 FP

Keith: 14/16 HP, 1/3 FP

----------VS----------

White Blooper: 7/20 HP

Blood Blooper: 15/25 HP

-Mario Power Jumps White Blooper for 4 damage!

-Goombella headbonks Blood Blooper for 2 damage!

-Zach stabs White Blooper for 3 damage, defeating it!

-Gar uses Blood Blooper's tentacle to climb up to her face and kicks out her left eye, and dealing 3 damage!

-Hunter chops off Blood Blooper's tentacles with his axe, grounding it and doing 4 damage!

-"Hold up," Keith begins. "I think we should finish it with a Final Strike."

"Final what?" Goombella asks.

"I've seen this done before." Zach says. "A Final Strike is when a lone major enemy is down to its last bit of health, and then one of the characters calls a Final Strike, and then everyone gangs up on the enemy and totally mutilates it. Let's try it!"

"You make it sound like a video game." Goombella said. The rest just stay silent.

"Ok!" Keith continues. "Let's do it! Final Strike!"

The entire group charges at Blood Blooper and proceeds to smash her with their most powerful attacks repeatedly, dealing a total of 42 damage, which obviously kills Blood Blooper.

Mario's group wins!

END BATTLE!

"phew That-a was-a tough…" Mario sighed. (Hey! I finally got-a to say something in this-a chapter!)

"Well fought, everyone." Zach said. "Now let's go, Petalburg is just ahead of here."

#&#$&#$#&#&

That's all for now. I'd like the thank DarthMarth for reminding me about the black chest because when I almost finished this, I forgot about it! Maybe I oughta replay the game sometime… anyway, stay tuned for Chapter 5, it'll be coming by March 2006!... No, just kidding. See ya!


	5. Chapter 5: A Fruity Koopa, a Game Show

P-A-P-E-R S-L-A-S-H

-By ZB3000

Author's note & Disclaimer: This is my first fic, but I've had experience in writing, so this should be a good one. Take note that I don't own Paper Mario: TTYD, Nintendo does. And anything else I may have stolen belongs to their respective owners. So in short: PLEASE DON'T SUE! I'm very, very sorry for the long wait. Two things have kept me from updating; writers block, and laziness. Many thanks to those who had the patience to wait for how long? 4 months is it? Well, to be honest, when I found myself procrastinating severely, I actually thought of being serious about this chapter coming out in March. But now I think it wouldn't be pleasant having some angry Mario fans at my front door. Well, before I drift off into a rant, I'd suppose I'd better get on with…..

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Chapter 5: A Fruity Koopa, a Game show-Hosting Rock, what Next? Singing Chipmunks?

"Glad to finally get out of there." Goombella sighed in relief. "Too damp for my makeup."

"You wear makeup?" Zach asked in slight disbelief.

"Like, YEAH!" Goombella replied annoyingly. "Don't you notice the slight redness in my cheeks? Or the slight coloring around my eyes?"

"Well, now that you mention it…..somewhat…"

"Hey, what the hell isTHAT?" Keith pointed up in the sky. Everyone looked up and saw a huge reddragon shadowing above them. It roared as it began to circle them.

"Hooktail…" Zach stated. "It seems larger than I thought it would be."

The dragon looked down, and saw the group. It then flew a few yards away from them and then began to lower itself close to their level.

"It's swooping down on us!" Zach exclaimed. Everyone got down except Goombella. Being a Goomba, it's kinda hard for her to get any lower.

The dragon known as Hooktail roared again as it came down upon the group and grabbed the closest thing to it.

"GAR!" Everyone cried out as the dragon known as Hooktail flew away with him to a castle up on a hill a few miles away.

"Ah shit!" Gar cusses as he tried to wiggle loose from the dragon's grasp. "I'm just skin & bones, so you wouldn't eat me?"

"Not yet," Hooktail responded with a raspy, dark, yet somewhat feminine voice. "But the others will come to save you, and that'll bring more for DINNER!" It/she said the last word in a very evil, sadistic way.

"This is crap." Zach growled. "We'll have to head to that castle and save his sorry butt."

"Through all THAT terrain?" Hunter exclaimed as he pointed past the edge of the hill they were on to countless jagged rocks, swamp water infested with crocs, thorns with painful….thorns on them, and more stuff they'd have to cross to save his brother.

"Well what choice do we have?" Zach argued. "We can't just sit here and let Gar get eaten!"

"There's no way I'm going through that!" Goombella piped up. "That could be hazardous for my health!"

"Look-a," Mario began. "Why don't-a we go-a to town, and see if we can find-a some help?"

"I suppose we could find someone." Keith interjected. "And we'll buy Gar some beer to make it up for being late."

"Nah, screw that. We'll keep it for ourselves." Hunter then doeshis fakeevil laugh.

The group walks into Petalburg. It was just like how it was in the game, only 3-D. Koopas and Bulb-Ulbs were scattered around the place. They decided to use this opportunity to stock up on anything they should find necessary. After that, they asked around about Hooktail, but didn't get much useful info. If anything, half the responses they got were things like, "Oh, the big red dragon? I remember it. Damn thing ate my pie on the window sill." Or "Ain't that the dragon that goes and eats people? That monster ate my ice cream and nearly my hand while I was outside the village poking it while it was asleep! Stupid dragon…" But eventually, they were told to go talk to the elder about Hooktail.

"Yeah, he lives in that pink house over there." A miscellaneous Koopa said to them, pointing at a pink house.

"A PINK HOUSE?" Keith suddenly snapped. "Is this elder a fruit or something!"

"We'll insult him after we get the info we need." Hunter replied.

"You sure if it's a 'him'?" Keith and Hunter snickered amongst themselves for a moment until they decided to stop by at the house. Zachwent upand knocked on the door. A old male voice called out, "Who is it?"

"We're adventurers," Zach replied behind the door. "We wish to discuss the matter with the dragon Hooktail."

"Err, just a moment…" The voice answered. After about a minute or two, the door opened, revealing an old green Koopa wearing a blond wig and some makeup.

"What the hell…?" Keith suddenly started to break up in laughter, Hunter joined in too. Zach gave a sharp look at the two and then turned back to the elderly Koopa.

"(ahem)" Zach ahemmed. "Yes, well, we were wondering if you could tell us what you know about Hooktail."

"Oh yes, come in, come in." The elder stood aside and let the teens and the others in the house. Much to their disgust, they saw pictures and posters of male Koopas in, well….'sensual' positions, all over the house. They all sat down in the living room to talk.

"So tell me first," The elder began. "Who are you young, handsome, juicy fellers?" The elder started to drool slightly. Everyone was silent for a moment until Zach broke the silence.

"We are secret agents sent to investigate the strange disturbances. My name is Zach, and these are my partners and friends; Hunter, and Keith. There was another with us named Gar. He's Hunter's brother. While we were on our way here, the dragon Hooktail swooped down upon us and grabbed him and took him to a castle up north of here. Oh, and this is Mario, the famous Italian Plumber, and Goombella, a graduate student from U-Goom." Mario & Goombella nodded at the elder.

"Partners…? You mean the three of you are…..married?" The elder mused out loud.

"Wh-What!" Zach exclaimed.

"Now, now, no need to be shy. You youngsters are very brave to admit your sexuality."

"One minute, here!" Keith interjected a sign of irritation in his voice. "That's not what we meant by partners! By that we meant that we solve mysteries together. You know, we work together, but we're not….THAT!"

"Oh, there's no need to get all puffy about it." The old Koopa laughed. "I was shy too my first time when—"

"Eww, we don't wanna know!" Hunter interrupted.

"Guys!" Zach got up and shouted, then returned to his normal, calm voice. "Let's get back on the main subject here."

"Oh, alright…" The elder sighed. "So, what is it you wanna know?"

"How do we get-a across-a the fields-a guarding the castle?" Mario asked.

"Well, if you DO plan to cross all that rough terrain, you're really brave, but still nice, juicy, young people…" The elder began to drool again.

There was a long silence. Meanwhile….

"Good grief, how do I get outta here?" Gar wondered out loud.

Gar is now in a prison cell in Hooktail Castle. When the dragon dropped him of at the door, all the Dry Bones there carried him off into the prison. Right now inside with him is a table, some tools, a black chest similar to the one that 'cursed' Zach, and some other random junk. He looked around and noticed an anvil. It was rather small, about 30 pounds. Gar lifted it up onto a table. He then noticed a hammer and some things he could use to start a fire. The teenaged bladesmith then used the hammer to smash with all his might at a part of the floor he thought had weaker foundation. And after a few swings, the floor cracked. Gar then removed the floor pieces and then put some flammable objects in the small hole, then used a match to light the fire. It all looked like a campfire of sorts, except indoors. If it hadn't have been for the barred window on the wall, the smoke would have filled the room and suffocated Gar.

"Hmm." Gar 'hmmed'. "I could make some fair-grade weapons with this…" Gar pulled out some steel from his pack and held it in the fire until it got red and hot. Gar then placed it on the anvil and hammered the hot steel until it began to take amore suitableshape for a weapon. When it got cool, Gar put it back in the fire and repeated the process over and over. If the fire started to go out, he would add more flammable objects into the fire.

Meanwhile, back in Petalburg…

"So to get to Hooktail Castle," Keith began to summarize. "We need to go east of here, and find two relics resembling a sun, and a moon. Then we need to place each respective one in a respectivestone to open up a clear path to the castle."

"That's what the elder said." Zach replied in a most neutral way.

"Right. Zach?" Keith stated. "Remind me never to follow you into a pink house. I'd rather not have a fruity experience like that again."

"What do you mean?" Zach asked, puzzled.

"Remember what _we_ had to _do_ to get _him_ to tell us the _directions_?"

"Well…."

FLASHBACK

"So you wanna know how to get there in one piece?" The elder asked.

"If you know, we'd appreciate it." Zach answered.

"Weeellllllll….if you want to know, then you'll have to do a little something for me first…" The old, cross-dressing coot had a tone of slyness in his voice.

"Screw tha—" Hunter was about to decline, but Zach had quickly slipped his hand over Hunter's mouth in time.

"Zach," Keith whispered into Zach's ear. "We shouldn't do it! Who knows what he'll ask!"

"You wanna save Gar?" Zach asked. "Then we'll have to go along with it." Hunter's eyes widened and then he removed Zach's hand from his mouth.

"We're gonna have to kill you later then." Hunter whispered into Zach's other ear.

"Yoo-hoooo!" The elder said in a sing-song voice. "What are you three whispering about?"

"N-Nothing." Zach stuttered slightly. "What do you want us to do?"

"Kiss each other passionately in front of me!" The elder said with fruity passion.

"WHAT!" All three of them shouted in unison.

"If you do it, then I'll tell you how to get to Hooktail Castle. C'mon, do it!"

"Yeah, do it!" Goombella cheered, but then instantly realized what she just said. "Uh… I mean don't do it." She then blushed. Mario was just silent, nodding in disapproval.

The three looked at each other, blushing with both embarrassment and anger. Thinking of no way out of it, they moved gradually closer to each other and then….

END FLASHBACK

"God damn it Keith!" Zach cursed. "I wanted to forget that ever happened!"

"Yeah well now we have to kill you." Hunter said as he pulled out his axe.

"Wh-Wait a minute!" Zach exclaimed.

"Let's get 'em!" Keith said. Then he & Hunter started chasing Zach.

(Author's Note: I am not particularly proud of this scene. And for two good reasons:

1) I personally dislike homosexuallality. But I guess there's something for female fans to muse over I suppose.

2) The real Hunter & Keith would kill me if they actually read this. '')

Hunter & Keith are still chasing Zach, and they've already made it out of town. Mario & Goombella were chasing after them. A Koopa with a blue T-shirt, tennis shoes, and a Band-Aid over his nose was standing at the end of the gate leading outside until he noticed Mario running past him.

"Uh… Hey! Are you Mario?" Mario had already been far enough away to not hear him. "(sigh) Well, maybe next time." The Koopa then went back to playing Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones on his Game Koopa Advance SP.

The group practically ran over everything in their path during the chase. Goombas, Koopas, and even through those stone houses that supposedly blocked the path. Zach & crew literally ran right through the walls they were going so fast. They kept on running through obstacles until they crashed through some metal double doors, which finally stopped them. And before Hunter and Keith were about to give Zach the beating of a lifetime, they looked around to see a spiky-looking stone head on a pedestal. When Mario & Goombella finally caught up, they, too, looked at the head. The head, which was identified by Zach as a Thwomp, opened its eyes suddenly, and looked at the group.

"**Hrrgghhhh…**" The Thwomp growled silently. "**Who enters my domain?**" It spoke in a low, growling-sounding voice.

"One who would have your allegiance!" Zach responded in a loud, clear voice.

"**The stoned do not suffer the living to pass.**"

"Uh, this ain't Lord of the Rings, guys." Hunter stated.

"Oops." Both Zach & the Thwomp 'oopsed'.

"**Well… then why do you come barging into my lair?**"

"We've come for the two relics hidden underneath this lair." Zach replied calmly, yet with demand. "Give us access, we won't ask twice. And we request access to your drug supply as well."

"**I do not have drugs.**"

"Then why did you call yourself 'stoned'?"

"**I am made of stone! Therefore I am 'stoned'!**"

There was a long silence.

"**Right, well if you want access to the relics, you must beat me at my own game! I shall ask each of you one question, answer all of them correctly, and you shall pass. Fail, and you will be punished. Now……LET THE GAMES BEGIN!**"

The room began to shake. And slowly, it turned from an Aztec ruin-esque building to some flashy 80's game show room, complete with cheesy 80's game show music. They soon noticed the Thwomp was now wearing some cheesy-looking red bow tie now.

"**Howdy everyone! And welcome to Get Right, or Get Dead! I'm your host, Rocky McThwomp, today we have 5 really stupid-looking people that I will ask 5 questions to. If they get just one of them wrong, they must face……THE PUNISHMENT!**" Cheers were heard out of nowhere from this.

"Oh great." Keith said. "A Fruity Koopa, a game show-hosting rock, what next? Singing chipmunks?"

"**And before we start, let's get into it with Alvin and the Chipmunks!**"

The background opened up, revealing a stage, and Alvin and the Chipmunks are seen on there, singing the song "It's Raining Men".

"I think I hate my life now." Keith sighed.

$#&#$#$#&#&$#&

Is it too late to say there might be hints of slash in it? I know I said there wouldn't be slash in it, but that one scene with the Petalburg Elder just sort of happened. And besides, what with the pink house, he was asking for it! Anyway, look forward to Chapter 6 coming out in………who the hell knows when! R&R!


	6. Chapter 6: The Million Coin Question

P-A-P-E-R S-L-A-S-H

-By ZB3000

Author's Note: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door belongs to Nintendo, and the only thing I own are my original characters. I'm back! Sorry it's been so long. My computer got killed and I was without one for a good 6 months. About a few months ago I got a new computer, with all of my stuff gone, obviously. Just a couple months ago I got Internet back. I'll find a way to make up for this. Just to note, the real Gar, Hunter, and Keith are reading this. So far they like it, and aren't really mad about what I did in Chapter 5.

#$&#$#&$#$#&

Chapter 6: The Million Coin Question

Mario, Goombella, and the three young men were crammed into one booth together. There were flashy 70's game show-esque lights shining everywhere. On a pedestal sat the Thwomp, but for some reason, he was wearing a little red bow tie just below his face.

"**Howdy Y'all! This is Stoney McThwomp**" The Thwomp said in his very low & gruff, yet now game show host-ish voice. "**And welcome to another episode of everyone's favorite game show…**"

"Except ours…" Zach scoffed. 'Stoney' ignored him.

"**The Million Coin Question!**" There were cheers and applause coming from nowhere.

"Ok, this is weird." Hunter commented. "Is it too late to get drunk and go back into reality?"

"We already tried that and it didn't work." Zach stated quietly to Hunter.

"**NOW! Before we begin, I will tell you the rules. I will ask each of you one question; each with a different category. Answer three out of five right, and you WIN! But if you miss a question the third time, you will suffer PUNISHMENT BEYOND YOUR GREATEST NIGHTMARES!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**"

"Let's-a go!" Mario said his famous catchphrase with great gusto.

"**Very well, let us begin the Million Coin Question!**" Again, cheers and applause were heard from no particular source.

"That's getting annoying…" Hunter scowled. He then took out his flamethrower and let out a burst of flames, roasting the invisible crowd. He knew because lots of screams were heard, also coming out of seemingly nowhere.

"**Please, don't harass the crowd.**" Said Stoney.

"Screw that!" Hunter spat back.

"**That's it! Now if you screw up on the questions just ONCE, you will be punished!**"

"Good job, Hunter!" Keith sarcastically remarked. "Roast the invisible crowd again why don't you?"

"I would if I could if it didn't screw us up any more than it can right now."

There was a silence.

"**Enough of this! Let us begin!** **Now, this one is for… Goombella! And the category is Math!**"

"Yay! I love Math!" Goombella exclaimed happily. Zach rolled his eyes. He hated Math. Zach once said he would rather spend the week in Iraq than do Math.

"**Question 1: What is the square root of 56,285,248?**"

"That's easy! 7502.349499!"

"**Gah! That is correct!**" Boos were heard from out of nowhere.

"Suddenly I feel like frying them again…" Hunter said to no one in particular.

"**The next question is for Hunter! And the category is… German! Now, how do you say the phrase, "I am ape horny" in German?**"

"Ew! I'm not saying it." Hunter responded.

"C'mon, Hunter!" Zach urged. "It's either that or who knows what!"

"Fine," Hunter sighed. "_Ich bin affe geil._"

"**You are correct--**"

"IF ANYONE STARTS TO SAY ANYTHING, YOU'RE DEAD!!!" Hunter suddenly shouted. Nobody dared make a noise that time.

"**Harass the crowd once more and you'll regret it!**" Stoney said.

"Hunter, I suggest we play it cool for now." Zach suggested. He then whispered in Hunter's ear. "We can always kill the invisible crowd later." Hunter smiled sadistically.

"**Question 3 is for Keith! And the category is… History! Your question is this: How many crusades were there. And which ones were the most important?**"

"Eight crusades. Although they say the first three were the most important, I say they were all equally as corrupt. Every crusade just involved gaining more land and property. Also, it was most likely just an excuse to kill Muslims, which is good for people like us."

"**Curses! You got it right!**" No booing, for fear that Hunter might go berserk. "**Now for the fourth question. Zach, your category is British Literature!**"

"Sweet." Zach said to himself. Although he despised Math, he loved English; he excelled in it at school and plans to do something in that field one day after finishing College.

"**Question 4: Give a decent summary on the story Romeo & Juliet.**"

"Ok. It started when a young man named Romeo was desperate for love. He sought it from a woman named Rosaline, but she vowed to die a virgin, and therefore rejected him. One night at a party, he met Juliet, the daughter of a rich and powerful man who was the sworn enemy of his own father. They fell in love and secretly got married. Now there was a relative from Juliet's side, Tybalt, who hated Romeo and his family with a passion. He killed Romeo's friend, Mercutio, who was a relative to the Prince that ruled the area, and was then killed later by Romeo who was enraged by his friend's death. Romeo was banished from the town of Verona and he fled to another city not far from Verona. Juliet was arranged to marry a relative of the Prince, Paris, because no one except the man that married Romeo and her, Friar Laurence, knew that she was already married. Obviously, she refused to marry Paris, and drank a sleeping potion that made her appear dead. Her family buried her in a tomb. Romeo, believing that Juliet was dead, went back to Verona to commit suicide in Juliet's tomb. He was attacked by Paris along the way, but he killed Paris and left him inside the tomb. He went over to where Juliet was sleeping and drank a vial of poison, killing himself. Juliet woke up and found that Romeo was dead in front her. She took his dagger and stabbed herself with it, killing herself. At this, the two feuding families agreed never to fight again and became friends from now on."

"**GAAAAHH!!! YOU BLASTED PIECE OF FLESH! YOU GOT IT RIGHT!!!**" Stoney wasn't looking very happy. They only need to miss once in order to lose, and it was all up to Mario for them to succeed. Stoney began to calm down and prepared his fifth and final question.

"**Mario! This is your question, and the category is World Geography!**"

"Mama-Mia!" Cried Mario. "I wish I paid-a more attention when I attended Nintendo High."

"**Where is the seventh Crystal Star located? Try answering that!**"

Mario thought for a moment. He then remembered Zach talking about the location of the Crystal Stars on their way to Petalburg. And suddenly, it hit him! Mario had his answer. He then answered with great confidence.

"The Moon!"

"**NOOOOOO!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU GOT ALL FIVE QUESTIONS RIGHT!!! GRRRRRRR… I DESPISE YOU MORTALS!**"

"Not our problem." Hunter scoffed. "Now give us the relics!"

"**NO! I shall give you the punishment instead!**"

"You said if we won, we win the relics!" Zach protested.

"**I lied. Now! Prepare for agony and sorrow of which no human has ever experienced!**"

Everyone was blinded with light and the whole room flashed. Mario and company felt as though they were falling and falling. As they were descending at a great speed, some sort of sleeping essence enveloped them as they fell asleep. One by one, they all fell unconscious. Whatever will happen next, nobody knows. Will they make it through whatever the evil Thwomp plans to set against them? Nobody knows. But I do know one thing: we're gonna find out in the next chapter!

$$#$&&$#$#$

Ok, it's done. I'd like to thank whoever's still checking on this. Needless to say, Paper Slash is back! With a vengeance! Actually, not really. Just read the thing and leave a review like the good little Internet geek you are. That's right… good Internet geek. Have a computer chip!somehow throws a computer chip across your computer screen, directly at your face


	7. Forgive Me

Dear Paper Slash fans,

I regret to announce that after more than a year of not continuing this work of fiction, I will be officially discontinuing the series. The reason I am doing so is because I have lost the motivation to continue Paper Slash long ago, and find no point in continuing something that I feel won't have the proper flair a story needs via the author's love and dedication towards his or her work. I am also going to enter college come this September, and the least things outside of school I have to worry about, the better off I'll be in the future.

Another reason for my discontinuing the series is because I developed interest in attempting to complete my other (and in my opinion, far better) works of literature. Most of them are original ideas, and some are group projects by my friends and I. Here is a list of my current projects for you guys to look out for (none have been posted here, but some can be found on some sites; I may post them on here and/or on Fiction Press):

**The Zombies of Clark County:** My ground-breaking book, in a sense. It involves my friends and I battling to defend our homes, or towns, our county, and our state from a zombie infestation. It is far better than it sounds, and includes intense, action-packed fight scenes with hints of horror and drama on the side, but the emphasized genre is action. Outside of zombies, this book is quite realistic.

**How to get to Dunes Bible Camp Without a Motorized Vehicle: **This is a short story that shows the extent of my humor packed in an adventure to get to a certain Bible camp when your friends steal your car, and you're left with little options. I am actually close to finishing this, and will post a complete version of it some day.

**World of Warcraft: The Wanderings of Zach: **Part one of a three-part joint project made by two of my closest friends, and myself. It deals with (somewhat) average people having their entire world become a world of Warcraft (pun intended). The group of friends must travel together to find a way to return their world back to normal. They meet new friends, and make enemies, new and old. The story also shows allusions to a book I had never finished, but explains the concept within a chapter. The story has a great mix of humor and action melded together.

**Battlefield 2010: The Story of how Politicians can Screw up a Nation: **This isn't exactly on eof my projects; this is actually my friend's book, with me as the co-author/proofreader. It's more of a serious, very realistic war story, but has its bits of humor in it. It moreover criticizes certain politicians in a light hearted fashion. Incidentally, I intended for my book, The Zombies of Clark County, to be a prequel to it, but my friend was against it, so I instead intend for it to be more of a spiritual sequel to it instead, which isn't that big of a difference, but I digress.

The following site actually includes most of these stories, if not all of them (in their incomplete forms). If you're still interested in my works, go there. The URL is redlinebooks . aceboard . com (with the spaces deleted, of course; the site just won't let me post the link the normal way). Become a member today, read our works, review them, maybe even post your own works there as well! We would appreciate any feedback! To those who enter the site, my name on there is Zach.

Finally, I sincerely apologize for letting any of you down because of my decision, and I hope you will all have the compassion to forgive me, and still tune in to any of my future postings. And from the bottom of my heart, I thank each and every one of you who supported this fic. And for now, I bid you all a heartfelt farewell.

Sincerely,

Zachary Bearg (AKA ZB3000)


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